forgive me a moment of frustration

It's either broken or it's not.

My left foot that is. And I'm trying to tell myself that I should quit letting my thoughts spiral out of control because it's either one way or the other, and I'm only driving myself crazy by considering all the possibilities in between.

Five nights ago, I ran 9 miles on a treadmill at the gym. Nothing too out of the ordinary; only a mile further than I ran last week. But somewhere in that 100 minutes of time something went wrong.

I broke my right leg two years ago. The circumstances are different this time--the leg, the conditions, the point of impact, etc. But I'm scared because the pain is the same.

Too many questions without answers right now, but I'm seeing the doctor tonight. I've been waiting for the pain to subside and to feel better--to walk without a limp. No dice. Of course my mind is whirling with the possibilities of injury and the limitations on movement. On the May 8th date of the Half Marathon.

I'm mostly frustrated because I was just getting the hang of running.

So I'm sorry to be morose. I'm even sorrier that one hiccup in life seems to counteract all the other parts that are going so well. One frustrating action sets off a chain of shouldn't-be-all-that-bad reactions, but everything seems to be a bigger, grosser, uglier mess than before, right? I hate that part.

Maybe if I were wearing a cuter outfit today I'd be able to deal.

Knock on Wood

Alternate post title: Been There, Done That
Alternate to the alternate post title: Chat of the Year

Mallory: I love you,and I sort of wish you would break some bone just so you could come and live with me. xoxo.

They say you never forget...

... but I'm not so sure.

Yall know I'm moving (five days, woot!), and my new digs put me less than two miles from work. With the disaster known as Boston parking and the travesty known as how sick I get on the bus, I've decided to bike. How green of me.

Look what I bought yesterday!

Isn't he pretty? A beach cruiser look with multi-gear functionality. Craigslist introduced us--I got a steal of a deal from a chap moving back to the motherland; God bless America and the lengths we go to send people back. The bike is only five months old and hombre threw in the lock and helmet as well. Steal!

But here's my problem: I've never been the greatest of riders. Maybe it's because I learned to ride on a bike with no brakes. Or I've never owned my real, own bicycle. (That makes it sound like I have had my own virtual bike, but I have not--and I shall not rephrase) Either way, I need to practice this thing called bike riding. I have two options, help me decide.

Shall I practice:
a.) in my work parking garage.
b.) out on the scary urban streets that may or may not have bike lanes.
c.) not at all and let fate run its course.

and d.) how important is it to wait until my aflac accident insurance kicks in on September 1?

For the Strength of You

Is it okay that today I just consider myself a survivor?

Crutching to the bus in 25 mile-per-hour wind while it's snowing...? It's a miracle I made it to work today; it's more exhausting than you can imagine to fight the elements and the incapacity of your own body. Regardless, as I crutch-crutch along, I feel pretty strong; even though I'm exhausted, have two-day hair, and a questionable color matching outfit. I'm lucky to be so mobile; crutches have been on my right hand and on my left for six-weeks now today.

2008 hasn't exactly been a banner year for me. You know, because you've read about some of the drama-rama; some of you have heard the other 75 percent of the small and simple tragedies that could ultimately lead to my complete unraveling. Slow and steady wins the race.

Through it all however, I've had these really great moments and reminders that the sky isn't really falling. Sometimes I just need a little reality check. Last weekend, when I was so ill, I'd call home seeking some comfort (isn't that what you do when you're ill?), and my mom would force me to tell her three nice, good, positive things before I could start telling her how SARS really feels like. At that stage, I had to stretch for positivity (1) I have nothing planned for this weekend so I can stay in bed and not feed obligated. 2) The screen porch is cold enough to keep my Diet Cokes cold and close for easy access. 3) I'm not the sickest of the UK travelers. [Wink.]). Now that I'm back on my feet (or foot and boot), it's a little easier to find the silver lining. So! The short list of great, good, and wonderful things in the last 24-hours of my life!

• Went to the Celtics/Cavs game last night. It'd been just over a month since my last game, and it was super fun to be back. A win of course.
• Had the best hamburger of my entire life at the Cheesecake before the game. Honestly, I'm still thinking about that burger. The company was also most exceptional--it's become kind of traditional on game nights.
• My broken leg bone has healed. That's right. I'm to start weaning off the boot and switch to an air-cast somethin' or other. I'll still commute with the boot.
• I've been walking the mile to and from the express bus and my house in the morning and after work. The uphill portion is the way home (of course!) so I'm typically exhausted when I get home, but it's a good tired. It's a feat that I'm kind of proud of.
• American Idol. Ohhhhhhhhh. I'm so happy it's back. True lovers of AI know what I'm talking about. It's pretty geeky to be online gChatting with my friends about the performances and our reviews while the show is still airing, but it's just who we are.
• Last night's Project Runway is waiting for me at home!
• The bird flu is 89% gone.

Alright, I think that's it for now. This was going to be a short post. I've been accused of my inability to write a short blog. Sigh. I fear it may be so. (Confirmed. I did a word count of my front blog page. 16,000 words.) Long story long, be grateful you're not on crutches. And if you are, gather strength from all the pitying looks of the people you pass on the street, those staring from their cars, the sideways glances of commuters on the bus and prove how strong you can be. Keep crutchin.'

Ta Start

American Idol or not, I'm going to blog tonight. In fact, I'm staying at work late (off the clock mind you) to put forth some good blogging information about the trip. So much of last week's joy has been overshadowed by the bird flu still flitting around in each of us who made the trek. But no longer will I rejoice in sorrow, but will rather share the love. Because the Black Eyed Peas are still looking for it. I know. I heard them on the radio just yesterday.

So, I've plugged the external hard drive laden with photos of the Emerald Isle into my CPU, turned on some rocking Counting Crows, and taken Tron off. For the next 50 minutes I am yours. But then I got a bus to catch; and it's the last Express of the night. So like a true journalist, I now have a deadline. Bring on the sensationalism!

The UK Extravaganza will encompass more than just this post. I'm just warning you now. There's too many photos to lump them all together. And I only have 46 minutes! (No, it didn't take me 4 minutes to write the last two sentances, I've been deciding which photos to upload to Flickr and started uploading to Youtube and etc. etc. etc.... 45 minutes.... quit wasting time Nat.)

So we flew out of Boston Friday night at 7 o'clock on a very nice jet. The hugest jet I've ever flown on, that's for sure. Aer Lingus. Who knew? We started giggling the second the overhead announcer started talking--the accent! So great! We're going overseas! Did you know the flight is only five and a half hours? A shorter flight than flying home to Portland. Back up one second to the airport. No lie, seven tour busses were standing in the security line; at least 400 people (mostly foreign high schoolers); probably a 2+ hour wait. Oh don't worry, I hobbled past the right person and all four of us were escorted to the front of the line. First time Tron and the crutches came in handy. Forward two seconds. We land in Shannon, Ireland. Local time is 6am. Boston time is 1am. Are we tired? No! Did we sleep on the plane? No! We were too busy playing interactive trivia games and watching movies on our personalized screens.

But this blog shall not be a blow by blow of our entire trip! I'm bored already. You're falling asleep at the keyboard. And time is waning thin. Thirty-four minutes left! Let the parade of photos begin!

Our first photo in Limerick as the sun rose on the Shannon, a street we parked on to review the map, the main house at Adare Manor.


I don't think it would be a stretch to say, that all four of us thought our accomodations were the very best part of the trip. Our deal was amazingly cheap, and it was lovely to have our own car and fly on a great airline, but we were blown away by what we were given at the Adare Manor. We had a 2-bedroom townhouse with a full kitchen and living room. Each room had 2-queens and it's own bathroom. We prepared (well, I cleaned up) a Sunday feast in our home and ate local cheese, bread, grapes and apples most night in our own house. It was awesome. The grounds were gorgeous, the manor house was un-REAL, and the customer service of every staff member was unparalled to anywhere I have ever been. (Note: Bold, italics, and ALL-CAPS are not strong or varied enough to convey how fantastic this place was.) I should be writing a blog all about the Adare, and I'm trying, but it honest to blog will never be good enough.

The grounds--the town of Adare is relatively small. Adare Manor, and it's 5-star golf course is definitely the largest tourist draw.


The view over the driving range from our balcony, Esther dwarfed by some local shrubs, Sunday night cards and snacks


But really. Photos just don't do it justice. Photos won't do any of the trip justice. We discovered this early in our trip. Believe it or not, I didn't take nearly as many photos as I usually do, because I recognize the trip just can't be captured. The photos you'll see in this, and future posts are a collective pool of the four cameras on the trip.

Like my writing, you'll notice grammar, spelling errors, and unfunny in my impromptu speaking. Please don't point them out, I'm on edge enough about being a crappy newscaster. And yes, I know my voice gets high and my mouth moves in strange ways. Pressure to perform. It's who I am.


I recognize we made this video and I posted pictures anyway, and will post a million more... but I have to TRY to make you see how amazing it is, don't you see? And I hate to say it, but steel yourself for more videos now... we took some. Me and my lispy-stroke mouth (thanks Mal) will be back.

Oh my gosh! I have to put Tron on and get outta Dodge or I'm a gonna miss the bus. And I already walk a mile to the bus stop both ways on crutches... must leave! But I've started! A start! And if I never start I'll never finish!

My first deadline piece is no good. It's like I'm writing for the Daily Universe all over again... wah wah wah....

Jumping the Pond

Helllllllllllllllllllo friends. I've mustered what little strength is left within me to post the first of many photos and recollections from the great UK Extravaganza. We flew back into town on Friday--but the illness we'd held off the latter half of our trip struck with full force and I've been in bed 95% of the time since arriving home. (My mom told me I've blogged about little besides my health lately; sorry!) My bags are still fully packed and sitting on my floor where I dropped them, but I'm committed to sharing the joy that was our fabulous trip!

Here's a lil preview of the trip in a photo essay entitled: Nat Attack Jumps Across the Pond.

Aren't you kind of amazed at the sweet hops I have?

Stay tuned! Much much much (overwhelmingly much on all fronts) more to come.

Lucky Charms

Today is the day.

And it has been a dramatic twenty-four hours. T minus two hours until I leave work and meet up with my girlfriends at the airport. This trip has been a LONG time coming. With all the chaos in my life this last month it kind of snuck up on me!

I have a nasty habit of hating the wardrobe choices I make on vacation. Deciding to break the habit, it took me more than two hours to pack last night as I had to try everything on and piece my outfits together. Hopefully it will all pay off in the end. Many a frantic phone call was exchanged last night regarding wardrobe selection. What kind of bottoms are you taking? What about coats? Boots? Ireland and England are typically rainy places, right? Wrong. Our forecast is for partly cloudy skies and sun the whole week we're there. Mid 40's to low 50's. Perfection...

I finally got to use my backpack my parents got for my 24th birthday. Whoop. And for Europe to boot. Yay. We are trying to carry-on all our luggage; the jury's out on whether or not they'll let me carry it on. They *could*, but considering I'll also be carrying my LeSportsac and the dreaded crutches, I have a feeling I'll be a flashing red light that screams "trying to break every flight rule we have." Then again, I'm crippled; maybe they'll be nice to me.

Side note: going through airports on crutches is quite the ordeal. As if walking a million miles to the Southwest gates isn't enough (I don't really need a wheelchair, though people are pretty good about asking); going through security is a PAIN. I mean, does anyone really think a leg cast is a good place to put a bomb? I have to get the full swab down test when I go through the detectors--hands, boot, pants... I certainly look like a terrorist, and they make me feel like one. End side note.

So today has been a doozy of a day. I'm back in the office (day 2); I thought I should put some face time in before I jump the pond. I've frantically been trying to do all the server-based work I've stored up in the past 4 weeks. I'm waiting on my boss to send me something, so I had my first breather of the day. No time for lunch; instead I had some cashews and a 100-cal Chips Ahoy snack. Can't wait to hit the CVS on the way to the airport for my last real American meal.

So here's the big drama. I'm going overseas without a credit card. Before you get up on my cyberspace, it's not my fault. It's the moron who tried to do fraudulent activity on my account last week, causing the whole thing to get shut down. I really thought it would come in the mail before now. Ky has been home waiting for the mail to come -- as today was the last day for it's arrival to save my life. Sadly, no dice. Ahhhh! When it rains, it pours!

So. I'm going overseas in less than two hours. I'm SO excited. Really, it's finally hit me. Six months of waiting, and I'm practically on my way! So off I go.... Killer outfit on, some questionable 72-hour kit food inclusions, a ream of confirmation print-outs (flight, hotel, car, train, hostel, Wicked tix), three left shoes, two crutches, and no credit card.

Give 'Er the Boot

Now it's time....
......... to say good-bye....
...to all our company....

The big day finally came. Doctor's appointment numero tres. My wish came true! The doctor gave the go-ahead to remove my (2nd) hard cast.

Let's discuss the rotary saw here for a minute. Talk about scary. I'd already had one removed, but it's a little disconcerting to have a high-powered squealing saw that close to an oh-so-important appendage. The ankle part is the worst! It literally feels like the blade is going to cut right through. Ahhh! Scary. I really wanted to video the cast removal, but abstained....

Here's my Mary-Kate leg. Check out that sweet jaundice stain. Why don't people get tattoos that look like jaundice? Maybe I should start a trend...

For the record, I will not give you the gory details on how man-hairy my leg was, or the depth of unsloughed skin residing on 17% of my body surface area. Suffice it to say, the way bodies take care of themselves is pretty amazing. And cleanly.

While I was in Portland, I pretty much ate whatever I wanted. Really. I was pretty sure I'd gain back the quick 10 I'd lost once back from the Christmas holiday. That was my full expectation anyway. Wrong. I'm down even mas. Too bad I'm not losing fat, I'm actually losing body mass. Well, it might be the only way I'll ever get a celebrity leg.

A few of you have commented to me about how good breaking your leg sounds. I do paint a pretty fun picture, don't I? Eat what you want, work from home, wear pajamas every day all day, snack on imported food, get chauffered around... Well, just remember this. I'll be taking crutches to Europe. Boo.

So here it is, the big 'ole boot. Do you miss my cute lil black cast? I admit... I kind of do. LOOK at that beast! Mary Kate became Rosie O! Put her on the Biggest Loser! TRON! ROBOCOP! DUCK-BILLED PLATYPUS!

My left foot just looks so little now, doesn't it?

So I've been slaving away on a presentation for a work blah-blah. My presentation was today (went well, yay!) but I was awake late into the night working on it. And when I say late into the night, I mean 4AM. Then, when my brain wouldn't shut off, I turned my computer back on at 4:30 to jot down some of the stuff my brain wouldn't let me purge. A few minutes later, the computer was off, but sleep still wasn't coming. I was adamant about not turning my computer back on, so I reached over in the dark and wrote "DVD/Collateral Distribution" so I wouldn't forget. No joke, I fell asleep with everything you see on this bed. (And by "fell asleep, I mean rolled around from 5-7:30am). Six pillows, Jason/Heidi's wedding announcement, an anke brace, a resistance band, a phone, two remote controls, health insurance paperwork, employment contract, my external harddrive, an empty waterbottle, and who knows what else. Good thing I never roll around in the night--I wake up in the same position I fall asleep. It's convenient.

This morning I learned what pouring rain in Boston looks like, that my walking boot is not waterproof, Staples doesn't make copies all that fast, and I need a nap.

Posts on little sleep are kind of worthless. Give them the boot. (And Blogger for not spell checking.)

Crutches make me say bad words

Surprise! My leg is busted. Fractured. Broken. Can you believe that? WHO breaks their leg? Kids jumping from trees and idiots on trampolines. That boy in your 2nd grade class. Claudia in book #10 of The Babysitter's Club. Remember when you were a kid and secretly wanted a cast? Or a broken bone? Or when crutches used to be a toy?

What a mess. This is me in the doctor's office when I got the news. (In a stroke of good luck, I also got pink eye the night of the break, hence the glizzasses.)

So now I'm a cripple on crutches trying to figure out what on earth I'm going to do and how I'm going to get around. How I'm going to work, how I'm going to keep the bone from snapping and needing surgery, how to prevent blood clots and how I'm going to navigate the exceptionally steep and uneven stairs to our 2nd story dwelling. Hell, how I'm going to navigate the two-bus commute in good weather, let alone snow, rain, or ice. Long story short, I'm in trouble.

I try not to be too melancholy on this blog, so I'll keep it light. After I was rushed from one doctor's office to another (they were closing and I needed casting STAT!) by my personal chauffeur Whitney, I chatted with the Ortho doctor. Six weeks is the guess, I'm holding my breath for a walking cast in 4 for Ireland. Hold your breath with me, huh people?

As the nurse came in to wrap my wound, I asked if I could take photos for my blog. This is how dedicated I am to you people. I promised not to take photos of her but of the process only. I told her yall would be very happy. Not much explanation is needed...

Now I'm home. I have two positions at home; leg elevated in bed, and leg elevated at the computer. It's pretty dull and rather boring.

Saturday was broken up with visits from Linda, Peggy & Rachel, and a dinner drop-off (my favorite salad from Joe's, woot!) from Laura, and numerous calls, texts, and facebook wishes.

Today is Sunday and I had some lovely helpers (Kirsti and Esther) come pick me up during Sunday School for Sacrament Meeting. I've spent the afternoon lounging at their house eating nacho cheese, baked goods from the cute girls next door and talking about love, live and the pursuit of happiness. It's buoyed my spirits tremendously.

BIG decisions to be made in the next few days. As soon as the holiday is over the calls to work, the doctor, the staffing service, the insurance people, and everyone in between can begin.

I used to claim that there were two activities that always brought out the swearing--bowling and ping-pong. I now officially add using crutches to the list.

Accommodating the Cripple

Word has spread surprisingly fast about my latest adventure. I kind of feel like I'm living in the UES from GG. Calls, texts, chats, wall posts, emails--I must have told a few well-connected people.

In case you haven't heard, yesterday I fell victim to the lamest sounding injury of all time. I finally slipped on ice, and hurt my ankle. Just the description hardly warrants any sympathy, right? I mean really; it seems so sissy. However, to my credit (and for anyone who cares), I didn't just slip and fall down, I slipped and fell down five stairs and then hit the ground.

I was showered, dressed, outfitted with food, gym clothes and my bus pass walking out the door when I fell victim to the worst set of front steps you've ever seen. (Funniest comment goes to my sister Mal for the email comment, "Man I wish people knew how to use a level.") I'm not sure how I hauled myself up the 30 stairs to our second-story dwelling, but it was a must I guess.

It hurt(s). But I won't give superfluous description of the pain. You think you know, but you have no idea. Blah blah blah. Sadly, it doesn't seem to be an ankle issue as the swelling is on my actual leg. It seems I'm having a tendon/ligament/snore bore issue. I'm going to the doctor shortly (thanks in advance for the ride Whit!) probably to get the BOOT! Oh the boot. How fashion forward of me.

Yes, I'm icing and elevating. No I haven't changed my clothes. My bed is wet because the ice keeps melting. Dangerous Minds (thanks On Demand!) is kind of after-school specially. I wonder if it was "hood" in the early 90's. I think the streets are more dangerous now. Brenda bailed me out with a 64ouncer of DC and two extra bags of ice (can't refreeze it fast enough), flowers from RachelMtz in exchange for my FNL Season I (yup, still spreading the love), computer usage so I can "work from home" courtesy of Ky, an Ireland planning meeting moved to my bedroom, and my Gram calling daily for the update. Thanks for accommodating the cripple.

My leg is wet and I need a shower. Happy long weekend everyone!