Friday, November 30, 2007

Flashback Friday XIV

I can count on one hand the number of times I've handwritten in a journal in the last six years. Ironically, I found this loose piece of paper in my desk yesterday. How fitting that it was written almost exactly one year ago. No photos to accompany.

December 2, 2006

I'm on a plane right now, less than an hour outside of Boston--less than an hour from catching a glimpse of what my next few(?) years of life are going to be like.

I can't even begin to express how excited I am. Sure I'm nervous, but my excitement overrules my anxiety--that's how I know I'm doing the right thing. For the stress ball that I am, this is a HUGE step. I forget how BRAVE I'm being in moving 2400 miles from home all by myself. Especially considering my self-diagnosed social anxiety disorder. (Smile.) But the Spirit is an amazing thing and I've had too many mini-miracles to doubt this is what I'm supposed to do with my life.

I'm meeting my future roommates tonight. And I'm attending the annual ward Christmas Gala. I have in my mind perceptions of how I think things will be; I'll have to give the report on my return flight and let you know how far off or how spot-on these silly preconceived notions are.

I'm kinda freakin' out right now. Six days til my 24th birthday and I have a feeling this is the year that's going to change my life. I'm happy with who I am and what I'm doing.

My 25th birthday is around the corner--my 1-year anniversary of being in Boston is close behind. 2007 is winding down. Has this been the year that changed my life? A year ago, I knew instinctively it would be.

So often feelings can't be put into words. It's impossible for me to really explain to you what I've learned and how much I've grown in the past year. I can't compose my thoughts artfully enough to do my heart justice. I literally sit, wordless--as the cummulative emotions, memories, and experiences flash through my mind.

A year ago I sat on the cusp of something monumental. I was climbing myself out of a hole, and I've hardly paused to look back. Life is so personal, so subjective--I only wish everyone could experience the catharsis of something this great. Maybe your change won't be a 2400 mile move, but I hope it's as personal and touching.

The biggest lesson I've learned this last year is this--we're asked to take only one little step into the dark before the whole light comes. Was it "brave" to move so far from home as I wrote a year ago? Yes. But it was braver of me to act on a prompting.

2006, my 24th year, and Boston -- the big three that changed my life. This is the year I learned how to be me.

6 comments:

Ju said...

here i sit, crying at my desk. literally crying. because, well, i just feel you.

and your life isn't the only that's been changed by your 2400 mile move. i heart you.

Ryan + Erica said...

I'm crying too! I'm so happy for you (and a little jealous of the growth and excitement you've experienced). This was a reminder for me that I need to evaluate my own year and give myself a little more credit. I love you, Nat! Thank you!

Breona said...

Well I'm not crying.:)
BUT..I think that's a great story, thought, event? I've also had those thoughts before and what's great about it, is that it won't be the only one..the only year that "changed your life." maybe cheesy? ya. but wait till you get married, woe, and then, have baby. Life is good.

Jan said...

Thanks for your thoughts, well said...It's also the year we moved to be friends as well as having family ties...

onlychild09 said...

Yes I am too crying. I love you Nat Pat and that was amazing!

Lainey said...

I love this post. Isn't it fun to grow up? For me it was Anasazi and living in the wilderness. For you the big city. Kind of fits us, huh!

Definitely, maybe, probaby related posts:

If NatA! posted a photo with this blog, here it is!