When I decide to post a piece of my heart, I always fear its cheese factor. I'm nervous about being, writing, or sounding cliched--because I like to think I'm smarter, wittier, and more clever than that kind of writing allows. I fret and worry over the words I pen--that they'll never convey the thoughts of my heart and the feelings in my brain. (See what I did there? Think about it. Cliched? Take that!) My greatest fear is that I lack eloquence and expression.
The first few minutes of these "thinking posts" are usually sat in ponderous silence--starting, deleting. Starting another way. At some point I give up and let my fingers do what they will with the words that come together on the screen. A minor edit here or there, but after I gain momentum, I realize my true voice cracks through the cliche and I write what I want and I'm rarely displeased with what comes out.
This is a very long setup to say the following:
After a lifetime of self-reflection, I've come to a conclusion. If asked to describe myself in three adjectives, I finally have a caboose to tall and mildly entertaining. And that word is resilient. I know that life knocks us all down, but I've felt an increasing ability to swing around; realign my expectations, and bring myself back upright. My recovery time is quicker and I spend less time flat on my back. Sure, I had flashes of resiliency before, but I'm learning to use the knocks of life as momentum: propelling me to self review and ultimately to change.
As open and shameless as I am about my life and some of my guiltier pleasures, there are (some) secrets and experiences I keep close to my heart. As such, I don't make my whole life available online; and you may (or may not) respect me for that. I'm only sorry for the latter because I think you'd be proud of the way I'm learning to spring back. I feel strong. And hopeful. And that good things are in store for me--the very best things.
And this probably sounds cheesy, or self-important, or insincere--but I promise I try so hard to be none of those things in my online and offline worlds. The good news is that I'm getting there. One post at a time.