Thursday, March 15, 2007

Sweatin' Silly

Seven miles. Se7en bloody miles.

That's how far I ran tonight. I must be crazy.

It's always crazy how I feel I'll never make it past two and then the numbers seem to melt into each other. Even still. When the machine stops at 60 minutes and you have to stop, reboot, and start at zero minutes again, you know you've been on the machine awhile. And the fact that you still have 23 minutes to go before you reach Se7en.

Sweaty Nettie is back! You guys. I don't know if it's the change in temperature, the fact I'd eaten my weight in Not Your Average Joe's bread and sauce mere hours before the run, or WHAT--but I am a sweater. I usually wear black tank tops to the gym. Today I made the mistake (lazy in my laundering) of wearing a grey one. You can not imagine just how sweaty I really was.

And because I delight in my own self-deprecation/embarrassment, I'm going to tell you how sweaty I was! By the end of my run, I had the over-the-hill on-the-brink-of-a-heart-attack man sweat on my chest. From one shoulder to the other, scooping down to the top of my sports bra was solid wet. Readily apparent for the entire world to see. But wait. The sweat stain on my stomach was nearly bleeding into its northern sister. And for a limited time offer, we'll not only throw in the John Candy front sweat, but also the Ruben Studderd back sweat. But wait. This is the part that might seal the deal. My hair was in a ponytail with multiple rubber bands down the length (hello 1987, I missed you) and the bottom section was wet, as it had been sashaying flirtatiously back and forth across my the sweaty mass that was my back.

As Russell Crowe said so elegantly in the Gladiator, "Are you not entertained?"

You should be disgusted. As I am. But in a healthy, I can't believe I really did it type way. I gained inspiration from the adrenaline-inducing fight and chase scenes in Casino Royale. I was watching it on my personal DVD. Hey. You do what you've gotta do.

Things to do before next week's 8 mile
1. Watch "8 Mile" so I can finally have something in common with Em. Get me some street cred.
2. Try to ignore the hoods outside the dry cleaner next to the gym who call you Honey when you walk past them into the gym at 10:30pm.
3. Realizing I've lost my street cred by ignoring said hoods, engage in a dance-off.
4. Get thinner thighs or learn to run bow-legged; this chafing thing is an ailment I'll leave to the cowboys.

11 comments:

Rachel said...

Nat. I...Love...You. I'm trying to work on the miles myself, not getting there, you are an inspiration. I'm glad to know, from one cute girl to another, that there are those of us out there that sweat like boys. S.A.S. (Sweaty Armpit Syndrome). Keeping it real!

Tang Tang said...

I can't get the idea of the bottom of your ponytail flirting with your sweaty back out of my head. It's a mental car wreck. You're freaking hilarious.

Lady Bills said...

hey- sweat is sexy- don't let anyone tell you that it's not!

oh and- when you decide to have a dance off with said "hoods"... let me know, i wanna watch!

Colleen said...

DUDE.

HA! You should see me - I sweat like a crazy person.

Sad thing is - I am sweating within, like, minute 3 on the elliptical.

Whatever, we're hot. We will find boys that heart our sweat.

Kaos Baggins said...

ha ha ha ha :)
sorry for my loughs
you have a very strong will force, Let you GO!!!!
and you must don't be worried for your sweaty problem, a gym is for sweating (but black shirts is a good idea :) )

stephanielynn said...

Having already heard the story first-hand, my favorite part of the written version is:

"...engage in a dance-off."

I'm still laughing. Love it.

kendall said...

i'm really grossed out, but you're allowed to sweat. It's running seven miles. You're probably the only person with williams blood in them that can run that far. Serious.

Unknown said...

Why is sweat gross? I think it's hot to be honest, and that's not coming from some other self-sweat-conscious girl. For a girl to purposely get down to work and break a sweat is pretty dang attractive. Now, if you don't bathe after you sweat like that, that could end up being gross.

FYI: Sweat doesn't stink/reak until it sits on your skin for a while and starts decomposing on a molecular level. Sweating just gets a bad rep for lack/unavailability of personal hygiene.

I'm jealous of your running discipline though. I never go run 7 miles.

Lindsay Jane said...

This has to be the funniest thing I have read in years. Good on ya for running. Do an extra mile for my chubby self.

Alaina said...

OH MY GOSH Natalie you just made my whole day. And I am proud to be your sister. Not only for the fact you can run seven miles in a row (I don't think I've EVER come even close to that) but for the way you write. I'm more than a tad jealous.

My favorite line (besides the ones that have already been commented on here) is creeping toward its "Northern sister." Haha!

Lauren said...

ps i have this saying that i love: "when you sweat together you get together" and i have a news article to prove it. soooo problem solved- find a cutie to run with and guaranteed lovin action.

Definitely, maybe, probaby related posts:

If NatA! posted a photo with this blog, here it is!