Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Do you hear what I hear?

I HAVE BEEN LIVING A LIE.

This stresses me out quite a bit actually. The news really is good, but I just can't believe it. There's no way it can actually be true, right? I mean, what good has modern medicine ever done? What has it proved? What has it healed? Conspiracy!

I've promised never to lie to you--so I guess I can't hold this one back. For the last ten years, I was certain, just certain, that I was hard of hearing. My left ear to be exact. I can not hear out of it! So bad was my ailment, that Krista still remembers which ear is bad when she pictures how I used to lay on it in my bunk bed for optimal hearing. I sit with my right ear cocked forward at church, at movies, and try to sit on the outermost left position when we go out to eat.

BUT FOR NOTHING! I had my hearing tested today as a follow-up to the great vertigo that was a follow-up to the great H1N1 virus known as the great Swine Flu. GUESS WHO'S NOT EVEN HARD OF HEARING? In fact, I "have the hearing of a child", whatever that means.

I'm not a hypochondriac except that time I had a brain tumor, so I was seriously confused today. How am I going to adjust to life without a disability? I have perfect eyes now AND perfect ears? (Where the H is my perfect skin?!) I know this should be good news, but now I think my brain needs checking. What else am I fooling myself into thinking?

Speaking of a brain needing checking, I guess this is proof I foretold the future again. A bitty silver lining. But as freaky as making up a hearing impairment for the last ten years? Sigh. Now what am I going to tell people when I want a better seat at the table?

7 comments:

colleenita said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

kristaelise said...

what the shiz? what the H E DOUBLE SHIZ? this changes everything. i see you (nay hear you) as a totally different person now. freakin freak.

Erica said...

Uh, maybe you could start pretending you're left handed? haha

SO funny that you made up your own disability.

Jan said...

laughed 'til I cried. You just wanted to be like me. (bad left ear)What next? Your wrist probably doesn't ever hurt, either. (quit thinking it does)

K. Marie Criddle said...

I have a dear friend who, for YEARS, has faked bad hearing in order to get out of awkward conversations. There is no shame in fake ailments! More aural power to you (or less, whatever.)

Nat Attack said...

HAVE I MENTIONED I STILL DON'T BELIEVE IT?

Alaina said...

Thanks for owning up to it. I LOVE IT.

Definitely, maybe, probaby related posts:

If NatA! posted a photo with this blog, here it is!