My Hollywood Family Tree of Travesty

I'm not going to lie. I'm a little depressed right now. In the celebrity "find your look alike" game, check out who I most resemble:

I mean, wouldn't you be a little depressed too? Tony Jaa? He's both male and Asian. Am I either of those? Michael Kiske looks like David Bowie in The Lybrinth. AND that's creepy! Apparently Jared, Jamie, Heather and I share bangs, so we're clearly look-a-likes. Anyone want to take a stab at where Anastasia Myskina or Jennifer Saunders came from? Egads.

So, in humility I tried again:

All girls! A miracle! (No joke, this is the first time in a handful of tries that I haven't gotten one male return reply. It took me uploading a photo with my hair pulled back. Strange, isn't it?) Ironically, I almost always get Zhang Ziyi. The Williams have small eyes! I get it! (Kids used to throw rocks at my Grandpa Williams when he was a boy -- this was during WWII.) Kathy Bates? Kathy BATES?! Spice Girl Mel C? JEANNE MOREAU?!?!

You know, I've been witness to this wizard pulling out respectably decent look-a-likes for my other friends. Their returns all host beautiful actresses in Hollywood with names like Rachel (McAdams), Charlize (Theron), and Jessica (Alba). Look who I get. Boys, Brits, and bad teeth. Maybe destiny is trying to tell me something.