Arrrrrrrgh.

No, I'm not a pirate. I'm simply frustrated with my inability to and avoidance of blogging. I love to blog! So what the heck is my problem!?

I've decided that I feel pressure to blog about one thing or group of related things; make snarky commentary, tie it in a neat bow, and close out the blog. My mind isn't working that way lately. In fact, I think my life is more one-liners than anything else, so forgive me for a minute as I spout off about anything, everything, and nothing all at the same time:

• WHY does Subway only give you two napkins when you order a sandwich? Everyone knows you'll need at least seven to keep the sweet onion sauce off your pants.
• gChat is definitely where it's at. I love chatting with all my friends at work.
• Now that Sanjacrappy is gone, the race for American Idol can officially begin. Last night's show was pretty good--but two quick thoughts. #1. I can't look at Melinda and not think that she looks like Dr. Bailey. #2. I really love the fundraising efforts of the "Idol Gives Back," but same things were clipped together over and over again. I finally sent Stephanie a text that said, "Too many montages of underprivileged people. I mean I have a heart; but I'm laying in bed eating Hot Tamales. Have I no sanctuary?" Four clips was plenty; but I did feel a little guilty fastforwarding through the fifth.
• Speaking of Hot Tamales, I'm officially hooked. Hot Tamales are the new Skittles.
• I don't even love hot dogs; but I've had three at Target in the last ten days.
• EVERY morning between 5:35 and 5:45, Little Gus-Gus starts jackhammering on the wall of my room. Literally, I don't know what he's doing (or why he has such routined schedule). He's between the wall either installing a monorail or making dry ice bombs I'm pretty sure. Either way, I do know, that every morning, between 5:35 and 5:45 I'm standing, drowsily whapping my tennis racket against the wall. He usually gets the point and simmers down. I'm depressed to say this is as close to courting as I may get.
• The weather has finally turned! Nothing makes me happier than driving with my windows open listening to music I love.
• Check out this really sweet Red Sox shirt I'm about to win on eBay:
• I started wearing maternity clothes. Well, I guess I didn't start per say because I already have been. I bought a really cute brown cotton skirt from the Gap outlet yesterday for a measly sum. Should I care that it's labeled "maternity"? I don't. I consider it a rather excellent way to conceal lovehandles. (**Note to friends: if I ever start to actually look like I'm wearing maternity clothes [whether I am or not] please inform me. Cheers.)
• I will eat anything in sight. Even if I'm not hungry.
• I work in a small office. Both employee-size and physical space. The fact that two of the workers (20 percent) of the team feel the need to shout into their phones (cell or landline) is ear-bleedingly annoying. Shouting does not ever make the reception better.
• Rosie is off the View. Sad! Not that I watch the View, but I like reading about the psuedo-drama she initiates and participates in.
• I still continue to read more about TV than I watch it.
• By now, you all know I'm a little obsessed with my Gucci fannypack. Last night, while flipping channels, Sex & the City was on, and no joke, Sarah Jessica Parker was wearing my Gucci fanny pack. I had no idea they were so fashionable! Or valuable!
• My sister Mallory's high school rugby team won state (in Oregon) and is going to Nationals. Whoop! Anyone want to take a quick trip to Milwaukee?
• I was watching America's Next Top Model last week and was kind of annoyed. I could have rocked that show!
• I hate Bratz dolls, wet sports bras, and the fact that I need to have my oil changed and keep getting to the mechanic right as they're closing.
• If I didn't send this to you already, this is a really interesting article written by Orson Scott Card about a Mormon running for the Presidency.
• BYU is done with their finals meaning my sister Kendall went home. I kind of wish (read: really) I was there, spending the summer, just dinking around with my family.
• My niece Adrie had surgery on her eye last week. I didn't know they made hospital gowns this small. It's so cute!!!
• I continue to be obsessively addicted to reading blogs. You people are all so talented! and I love reading your crap.
• My Grandma Williams has an iPod, exercises with it, and that cracks me up a little.

Thanks for allowing me to brain dump. Maybe now I can reorganize my thoughts and contribute something worthwhile to society.

I'm off to Subway to drip sauce all over my pants! Turkey Wednesday!