Hitchhiker's Guide

#1 - Don't ever pick up a hitchhiker.
#2 - Don't ever trust a person who would pick up a hitchhiker.

Apparently I had a death wish today.

I picked up a hitchhiker.

Before you judge me, I’ll plead my case. Yes, in hindsight it was still a stupid decision, but the circumstances weren’t what you’re thinking. I promise.

So my coworker Terri and I are leaving lunch and I’ve rolled to a stop sign. A woman is about to enter the crosswalk and trying to be a better Samaritan than I usually am, I slow down to let her pass instead of braking slightly and taking the right corner with a quick left-right-up-back scan for cops who have nothing better to do on a Thursday afternoon than pull me over for not braking completely for a stop sign. MISTAKE #1. (MISTAKE #1.1 – Run on sentence usage.)

I had my window unrolled because finally, after eleven straight days of rain, it’s sunny and relatively warm outside. MISTAKE #2.

Said woman, getting ready to cross the walk doesn’t actually begin crossing, but rather begins to speak with me.

HH: Hi. Are you from Utah or are you living here?
Me: [Pause] I'm living here.
HH: Oh. So you aren't driving West any time soon?
Me: Nope. Sorry.
HH: Do you have any friends going that way? I really need to get to the Midwest.
Me: Nope, I'm really sorry. (I'm not)
HH: Where are you going?
Me: Newton, back to work.
HH: Can you drive me to peaotngeaneaetinhe, I'm feeling dizzy.
Me: [Pause] Okay. Get in.

MISTAKE #3.

WHAT KIND OF IDIOT AM I? No, really. What kind. I guess in my momentary, gynormous-sized lapse of judgment I felt safe enough to give this stranger a ride to a place yet to be determined. Again, WHAT KIND OF IDIOT AM I?

To be honest, the drive wasn't that long, or that far, but I kept thinking of all these scenarios in my head of what could go terribly, terribly wrong. What if she refused to get out of my car? What if she wet the seat? What if she literally stabbed me in the back? I'm not ready to be critically wounded yet. Terri doesn't know my medication allergies. Freak.

The woman was surprisingly lucid and knew the turns to make to get wherever she needed to go. Strangely enough however, she had no idea which shady looking house we were going to. (We had to take the block three times.) I was about to regrow my spine and tell her we'd gone far enough, work was waiting, when she decided to get out on her own free will and volition. Thank goodness. I didn't want an episode on my hands.

What kind of moron picks up strange people and agrees to drive them places? I do. And apparently I can't be trusted to ____________.